Solitude

People had often told me that repressing and suppressing inner thoughts and emotions will kill us slowly. Whether we like it or not, we have to express what is inside our mind and ask for help sometimes. To think back, even our Muhammad ar-Rasul SAW had his sahabah alongside him, to give him help, always there for him, supporting him and giving him the support that he needs to spread Islam. So, why should we not have that kind of sahabah?

But... There are times where I think all I need is just solitude. Away from people, suppressing and repressing everything. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, but it's just that I find it easier to seek solitude and live life by following the flow. Hm.

To be honest, lately, to me, the month of Ramadhan now is really teaching me about my dependency, whether I'm dependant on people or am I dependant only to Allah. To me, the month of Ramadhan now is really teaching me about patience, about staying strong, about giving others happiness and so on. The month of Ramadhan now is really teaching me many things.

Ah... I just needed to type, so pretty much, I have no idea what's this post is all about, but I think I've made my point as to what I've been feeling all this few while... Adios.

Ramadhan

Assalamu'alaikum! All praises to Allah the Almighty, the ar-Rahman, the ar-Rahim. =)

It is finally the month of Ramadhan, and alhamdulillah, Allah still gave us the chance to live in this

moment and celebrate Ramadhan and chase His blessings. MasyaAllah... We are indeed in loss if we don't

take this Ramadhan as a way to go back to Him, clean and new.

Ramadhan is indeed awesome! =')

This is the third year I'm spending the first day of Ramadhan away from my family. Other people might find it sad that I'm not together with my family on this very day, but to me, I find it as a blessing. I might be far away from my family, but that doesn't mean that they are not close to my heart (sounds so very cliché, doesn't it? Typical.). Being far away from them means that I get to (finally) learn how to live independently. It gets lonely, but then again, sooner or later, baby birds have to leave its nest too. And I think, studying far away from home really helps me a lot. It was sad at first, but as time goes by, being away from home doesn't sound or looked as scary as it used to be. In fact, I feel ever more ready to face the world head-on! (Well, exaggerating a bit, but hey, can't a girl have a positive say about herself? Meh!)

To me, the month of Ramadhan is a month to learn about tarbiyyah dzatiyyah. We are in control of our desires, our nafs. And we should take Ramadhan as a day to really put our hearts, our desires, our needs, our cravings only to gain His satisfaction, only to gain His heaven. Jannatul Firdaus! If we fail in this month, surely, we will fail in the other months. It sounds scary to me. Sigh. (T-T) Tarbiyyah dzatiyyah, tazkiyatun an-nafs, mujahadah, istiqamah and most importantly, niat (intentions). These elements are essential in the month of Ramadhan, because it is up to US to make the changes that we want happens -- slowly.

When talking about change, what someone used to tell me, change happens slowly, and with perseverance, change will happen. IT WILL, with patience and effort. That is what the month of Ramadhan is for. A month where Allah gives us the chance to repent, to go back to Him, put the world aside and put Him first in everything. A month where we learn to go back to our core, go back to our Creator. A month of gaining eternal tranquillity and a month to learn about how to maintain that tranquillity until death do us part. The beauty of Ramadhan is indeed HUGE and it is all thanks to Allah for giving us this chance to still be alive to celebrate this month. I just hope that I can make a change in my life as well.

# Let us all work hard to stay istiqamah, to be engaged with the efforts of tazkiyatun an-nafs, commit ourselves cleanly in tarbiyyah dzatiyyah, and learn the true meaning of mujahadah in this holy month. Indeed, the light of Allah is not gained just by sitting down or just praying for it to come, it is WE who have to go look for it and chase for it. Allahua'lam. May Allah accept our pure intentions towards change, and may Allah bless us in this holy month. Biidznillah!

Before that, I wish you all a blessed Ramadhan al-Kareem, and may Allah shines each and every single one 

of us with His light and hugs us with His love and mercy. Indeed, He is truly the Most Loving and the Most Forgiving! Allahu akbar! =')

Patience.

Lately, whenever I feel down or problems just get into my head and I just want to clear it all out, I always go to the beach. I used to be someone who dislike beaches. USED TO. But now, the beach is the place where I want to be all the time. There's something calming about it, and I just figured it out. It is because nature is a gift from Allah, and only when we let nature devour us with its beauty and tranquility, only then we began to realize that all this while, Allah has given us everything that we need and MORE, and yet, we seldom appreciate it.

To think back, I'm actually running away from problems rather than facing them, but to be honest, there are just some problems in which solutions just doesn't exist, EXCEPT to go back to nature, be alone, and cry to Allah. Every problem has its solution, and I do believe in that. Maybe at the moment, I can't see the solution yet, but I truly believe that Allah holds every single key to every problem that I am currently facing.

Stay strong. A simple yet cliche advice, so cliche that it is sometimes easier said than done. Strength to me now is not acting strong, but to me, strength comes in vulnerability too. At times like this too, I always listen to Sami Yusuf's song (Make Me Strong) and Allah Knows (I can't remember the singer's name, though). It reminds me that whatever befalls me, Allah is always there, He knows, and I know that strength only comes from Him, and from Him I shall ask for help, guidance and strength.

Usually, when problems or tribulations hits us, we always fall into deep depression. Some people becomes

ali imran, 3 : 139

even more stronger with every hit, but some are still weak and so they stayed on the ground. But, whatever it is, we often forget about Allah. It is not us that is strong, but it is because of Allah that gave us the strength. Allah is the Most Gracious. When we are feeling weak, it is not because Allah did not gave us strength, but it is because He wants us to learn and only by learning, and understanding the hits, problems and so on, only then He gave us the strength. Be patient.

Patience. Patience. Patience. Remember that, Mar.
The product of the patience that you're committing now will be beautiful. Internally and eternally beautiful.

Why write?

The month of May has passed, and now we can welcome June! Alhamdulillah. The month of Ramadhan is getting near, and let's ask ourselves every single day, are we REALLY prepared to greet Ramadhan to gain its full barakah (blessings)? May Allah accept. =)

Today, I am intrigued to make this post on why I write. Or in other words, why do I even bother to

Here's a quote that I love and practice. =)

create a blog where hardly anyone ever visits? Erk! *Runs away and hide*
Eheh. To be honest, the only answer that comes up in my mind is : I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it's because of the thrill and happiness that I find when I write. Maybe it's because that I had always have a passion in writing ever since 7 years ago -- the first time I started blogging! Or maybe because I felt challenged by the encouragements that people had given me to begin writing again. Or is it probably because blogging is trending again? There is no absolute answer. It might be any one of those, and personally, I really don't know.

I remember, around 4 or 5 years ago, there was an incident where promptly after it, I vowed and promised myself that I will never go back to the blogging world. But, I guess, once you are passionate about something, no matter how far you want to go just to avoid it, you just can't. The desire to write was overwhelming, so I start blogging again, and then I'll stop again, and then I'll start again. That was how I was for 2 or 3 years, and now, in 2014, I vow to not stop ever again. Why? Well, as someone who only knows how to express herself by writing, I think that this is the passion that I will not let go and this is the potential that I know I can improve with time, more reading and with perseverance. Eh?

Other than wanting to be a psychologist, it has been a long-time desire and dream of mine to engage myself in the field of journalism or to be a part of the writers' community. I may be an amateur and a beginner in this, but I know, with hard work, and with patience, I can make it to the top. Though, honestly speaking, I don't think popularity and fame are really my goals, but rather, I find this space, this writer's space is a place where I can and WILL share goodness, give out benefits and spread awareness to all humanity. With the wills of Allah, of course. Biidznillah!

I truly believe that, though reading isn't a trend anymore for most of us, I still believe that, if I try harder in this, I will make people see that the world of writing (and reading) is essential, especially in self-development and growth. And especially IMPORTANT for the betterment of our Ummah!

Then again, if I were to ask myself now again, why do I write? My answer still is the same. I really have absolutely no idea. But I still do it anyway! Out of interest, passion and fulfilling my own desire, I guess. May Allah accept this little, small bit of deed I'm trying to do.

"Start small but think BIG."
Biidznillah. =) 

Another year

Assalamu'alaikum, fellow readers! Isn't today just wonderful? Smiles.
Alhamdulillah, all praises goes to Allah SWT, the ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim. May His mercy be upon us and may our love for Him not fade just like how His love for us will never cease. InsyaAllah...

I was cute during kindergarten eh? =P

It's 23rd of May, and it is my birthday. Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT has extended another year of my life and here I am, still breathing and still living, but now as a 20 year old. As a Muslim, I have no one else to thank to the most except Allah SWT. He has given me a life that I wish not to trade with others. A life that is full with tribulations, hardship, sorrows, pain, but with a mixture of joy, happiness, tranquillity and love. All these were given to me because Allah SWT still loves me (and every single one of us) and He gives me all these because He knows that every single one of it will bring benefits to me, for He knows more than we do. The only thing I've to do is to stay husnudzon and accept life as it is. Smiles.

There's going to be a difference in my birthday this year. This year, I'll resolved to bring a better change in my life. It's actually quite sad that another year has passed, but life hasn't changed much for me. Or in other words, I don't think I've been a better person throughout the year. And so, therefore, I resolved to do my very best to work even harder this year to make a change. 'Cause, you see... Being 20 isn't young any more. I finally realized now that what I really need to do is to grow up. And I will strive hard for it. Like what I told all my friends, no matter how much life will screw me up, I will not give up. I will stand up and strive again.

To me, I don't see or take birthdays as an occasion for us to celebrate, but rather, I see it as a day where we

20 year old me now =)

should do a full head-to-toe, inner and outer muhasabah in every aspect in our life. As for me, I see this year as a year where death is getting ever so near, and my contributions and my work in Islam isn't a satisfactory. In fact, you can say that it had made me feel a bit depressed lately by knowing of that truth. BUT, like I said, this phase of depression will not let me quit. In fact, I will use this chance to fully try and dig deep within me so that I can find my potential in achieving the success that I want, and also for the betterment of the Ummah.

Recently, I watched Aiman Azlan's first vlog, and what Aiman Azlan said in that vlog really intrigued me. Alhamdulillah, because of it, I finally realize what I can do, and what I can try : I can try to be active in the fields of journalism, blogging and writings again. To be honest, I had put aside my dream in becoming a writer ever since I entered college, thinking that since I'm taking counselling, I wouldn't be able to sharpen my skills, and I gave up on it. But, now... After 2 years in college, I begin to realize that what I really need in life is my contribution to society in the form of writings. And, I will sharpen my skills! I will, indeed!

# Alhamdulillah, and jazakumullah khayr to everyone who had wished me well on my birthday. I pray that Allah SWT will send down His love and mercy to all, and I also pray that we will all stay strong in this journey to bring Islam back to its righteous place! May Jannah be our main goal, and let's all pray and work hard together to attain it -- TOGETHER. =)

Teachers.

ar-Rasul SAW teaches from the HEART

Ar-Rasul SAW is the greatest teacher, murabbi and the greatest person that Allah SWT has to offer. It has been million of years since his passing, but his teachings and contributions to the world is forever loved and cherished. From the bottom of my heart, I miss him dearly. ='(

It's 16 May, and today is Teachers' Day.
Why did I started off today's post about ar-Rasul SAW? Firsly, because it is all true. Muhammad ar-Rasul SAW is indeed the greatest teacher and murabbi of all time, and ever since the moment that I began to love him and admire him wholeheartedly, that is the first moment where I began to realize how important and how huge a teacher's job is.

Today is the day where we thank our teachers in masses and give our full appreciation towards all that they have done to us. Though, to me, I don't think we need a specific day to do so. Just like our mothers, appreciation and gratitude towards teachers also applies the same : we should do it every day. Our mothers also acts as our teachers, you know.

Teachers, murabbi/ah, mu'alim/ah, and so forth. They're truly amazing people. To me, teachers are people who are superbly awesome. Why? Imagine, they can encounter many problems, and yet they always seem to brush them off just for the sake of their students' future. Believe me, I know this. Why? Because all my teachers (and also my mother) did this to me. Though at the time, I did not know of it, but now, as I grew up a little, I begin to realize the importance of those small and tedious things they did for and to me. And because of that, I am forever thankful that Allah SWT has given me these kind of teachers.

"The best teachers teach from the HEART, not from the book."
That is what Muhammad ar-Rasul SAW did, and that is exactly what my teachers did too. That is why I always see my teachers as living inspiration. They taught me many things, they touched my heart with their words, though sometimes I hate to admit to that truth. But that's how it is.

Muhammad ar-Rasul SAW had never given up on teaching his Ummah the ways of Islam, the way that Allah SWT pleases. No matter how big the tribulation, how big the problem or how excruciating the pain that he has to face, he never gives up, because he knows and he loves his Ummah with all his heart.

My teachers, are also people who had never given up. That is why, I love to see them as people who are following the ways of Muhammad ar-Rasul SAW. No matter how troublesome the students are, they always try their best to be the best teacher anyway. No matter how painful and how insensitive their students are, they still try to stay and remain calm, smile and keep loving their students. They are people who have huge hearts and bigger dreams for their students.

Whenever I began to think of my teachers, I would always smile, grin and laugh. They were annoying, pestering and bothersome to me, but in the end, those are the things that I really miss. My teachers had never given up on me when other people did. They encouraged me to do my best, and to always dream big. They were the people who had helped me by giving me all their love to me.

Teachers, thank you for everything. For all the smiles you gave me, the neverending love, the scoldings, the pesterings, the jokes that we share, the encouragements, the advices, the tears you made me shed... Thank you for everything. Allah SWT has given you the best kind of occupation, the best kind of career. Why? Because, whether you realize it or not, you're doing something BIG for the Ummah. Your intentions are pure, and I will always love and thank you for all the things you had done. =)

# May Allah SWT bless our teachers for all the wonderful deeds that they have done. Hopefully, their teachings will bring benefits into this world and will help us in any possible means in this world and for the next. InsyaAllah. ;)

Ukhwah

ta'aruf, tafahum, takaful =)

I felt like replying to THIS post; why? Because it really made my day. =)

You see, that blog post was made by my (almost) little sister that I met in college. I know that we're of the same age, but somehow, I wanted to be her older sister, and so I did. And to be honest, I had never met someone as awesome as her! Believe me, adik! You are indeed special and awesome! =)

When we talk about friendship (read : ukhwah), we're talking about a connection between us and other individuals. What's so special about this connection? Well, this connection resembles our closeness of heart and also fulfilling our needs to be accompanied. You see, Allah SWT did not created Adam to live in this world alone. He created Eve (read : Hawa) to accompany and to fulfill Adam's desire of having a partner.


My teacher once said to me : No man is an island.
That fits perfectly in what I'm trying to say now. No one is created or fated to be alone. Even our prophet Muhammad SAW had his sahabah (and also sahabiah) by his side. And with the sahabah (and sahabiah) by his side, THEY successfully spread Islam to the world, and alhamdulillah, Islam is still living in this world. How great is that?

"the believers are but brothers.." [al-Hujurat : 10]
"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted." [al-Hujurat : 13]

I'm not sure what to talk about ukhwah, because you see, such beautiful friendship is just beyond words to describe. Usually when we talk about ukhwah fillah (friendship for the sake of Allah), we talk primarily about intentions.

"Muslims make friends knowing that the relationship they will ensue is an important bond between two people who share mutual goals. Their friendship is one that exists primarily for the sake of Allah the Almighty. The love and camaraderie that is born from such a friendship is a secondary benefit, for sure."
[quoted]

Back to 'replying' my friend's blog post. SubhanAllah.. I am thankful and grateful that Allah SWT has given me many friends that had helped me throughout my journey (remember el viaje! Hehe!) in life. I know that, without them, I will never be the person I am today.

That little sister of mine (here) is truly a special person. A little sister of the same age, from a different family. With her, I had endured pain, shared jokes, shared powerful insights together, discuss the pain of our Ummah together, carefully planning our life together, and almost everything is shared. ALMOST.

Physically, we are separated now, but I know, and I deeply believe in this, our hearts are connected as one. No matter how far apart we are, our souls and our spirits move as one, because we share one same feeling : we love each other for Allah's sake. And that is the greatest feeling ever.
And also, we share one same goal : to attain Jannah by working for Islam here, and now.

And not just only her. Everyone. =)
All these talks about friendship really can make me cry. I have Allah SWT to thank to for giving me all these friends that I can count on, who always reminds me of Him, of the beauty of Jannah. I have nothing to worry about, because Allah SWT has given me the people that I need.

# On the authority of Abu Hamzah, Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) - the servant of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) - that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said :
"None of you [truly] believes until he loves for his brother that which he loves himself."
[HR Bukhari & Muslim]

Here are some songs that I enjoy listening when thinking of my friends (eheh! poker face) :

Uhibbukum fillah! =)